Quicker way to end tantrums
…* I hate cane and I have never wanted or use a cane on my own children. I was brought up in a canning environment and canning does not making me a better behaved person. Even if it did, perhaps only temporary. I take revenge, in another way by behaving even worst underneath…..*
The memory is coming back to me slowly now. I have decided to keep my newly bought cane away, for good. Canning hurts, not only on the skin, but also on a child’s ego and worst of all, the hurts myself emotionally and mentally very badly too.
With so much help and support pouring in from friends though email writings, through comforting words (thanks to all of you, you know who you are) I learned some good tips to mild down my boys tantrums. For instant, I find the below steps working for me:
Surviving the tantrum
- Step 1: Stay calm
- Step 2: Explain why it should not be done - WITH EYE CONTACT
- Step 3: Try to divert his attention
- Step 4: If Step 3 fails and crying persist, ignore the behavior completely - WITHOUT EYE CONTACT
- Step 5: If crying persist, continue playing with another child or pretend to keep our attention occupied
* Keep on repeating Step 4 and Step 5 until the child is settled down
* Once in a while, remind him to be quiet so Mummy will pay attention and hug him
It has been 2 days. Korkor seems to get the message now. First time, he cried very long. But surprisingly the moment when he stopped crying, HE STOPPED COMPLETELY (how unbelievable until I had to stare at him for a while!)
Of course, he still throws his tantrum many times a day, over silly requests.
Even when today in public, and I repeat all the above steps without scooping up my wailing boy. Of course, many around would ask what’s wrong, with stares all over towards my direction from near and far. I just ignore. And again, after a while, he stopped fussing COMPLETELY all the sudden!
I am so happy at least something is working now. No, the boys are not behaving like angels yet, but at least they clearly know what I expect from them, and they are willing to stop crying quicker just to get Mummy’s full attention, hugs and kisses during then.
I am so happy I see some lights in controlling the boys and I feel better myself too. Like many used to tell me, God gave me 2 boys at one go, because He knows I am capable and strong enough to handle them. Like me, I am sure no mums out there would be happy to cane or see strokes on their child’s delicate skin. If you have very difficult toddlers, you might wanna try to see if the above works for you too 
* I am grateful that I am blessed with friends around me, who offering comforting words and support all the time. Blogging has help me greatly when I desperately need to pour out my feelings. I treasure each single feedback because I get found help and solution in some way. Thanks for being there for me, so I know I am not alone. Until now, we know there are still many women and mums out there who are suffering from great depression during upbringing of their children. If only they will speak out, and if only we could find ways to reach these women…..
Divert his attention is definitely a must. What I’ll do is to remove him from the location of tantrum. I usually will find a corner where I can hold him firmly so he can’t move or fight back. If I can’t find a corner, I’ll press him against the wall, just to have something solid to support him while I hold his head firmly to look me in the eyes when I tell him that I will not tolerate any nonsense from him. I’ll let him know that I’ll count to five and if he do not stop yelling or crying by then, I’ll walk away and leave him there ALONE. I will then count to five and usually (99%) he’ll stop. The remaining 1%? I’ll just walk away and he’ll run after me. I’ll stop and keep quiet without looking at him and he’ll get the message that I’m pretty pissed and request for a hug. Usually by then we’ll both make peace
yeah, ignoring them is actually a way, because sometimes they want ur attention. Mine not sked of rotan one can even grab it or runaway!! I’m more like using 123 system and naughty corner nowadays. If they cry let them cry lah. I ever punish Vyktore at naughty corner for almost 1 hour, cause he refuse to stop crying LOL
I did as what Merryn does too! I will normally threaten my gal that if she still want to repeat those blood boiling stunts again and refused to listen to me, I’ll kick her out of the house and let her stay with those stray cats/dogs coz those stray animals has no house. Their mama kick them out coz they behave like you! LOL! The 123 counting helps most of the time =) Happy to know that you’ve found the solution to tame your boyz and yes, stay away from rotan as I also feel that it will not help to discipline the child, but will leave a deep ’scar’ in their heart instead.
Violence begets violence… Bring up a child with a lot of love, care and attention and what goes around, comes around. Don’t spoil though - set limits and abide by them.
I’m truly glad that you’ve found a way to keep things in control!!! YEAY!!!!!! *hugs*
I usually do what Merryn does as well. I will count until 5 and more often than not, the nonsense stops because he knows that if it doesn’t, I will leave him there high and dry - be it at restaurants, malls, etc.
Some people (my in-laws especially) think that I’m being cruel, but what they fail to realise is that I’m being cruel to be kind.
Hang in there and they’ll be fine!
Kudos, Chin Nee! I admire your persistency and in being a great mother. Your kids are blessed to have a lovely mother like you and likewise, you’re blessed to have them as your beautiful children.
You’ll definitely get through it.take care
Happy to know that you’ve found an effective way to discipline the boys…without the cane!
I actually use the cane on P and it works for me and him. The last time I cane him..guess what he did? he use the marker pen n drew on my Sony Wega Tv…….
So glad to read that you found a method that works with your boys. Disciplining kids is hard work and mothers do it out of love.Remember all mothers have meltdowns one time or another, some people don’t tell you what ‘monsters’ their kids are because they don’t want to look like bad parents so they only tell you the ‘good part’.Bravo to you for sharing!
Hei …. glad to hear the great news.
Continue doing this & get your hubby to support too.
Once a while kids will continue to test our patience to stretch their limits & at the same time claim more independence …. just continue what you are doing & u’ll be fine……….Hugs …..
P.S. - your blog & also other mummies blogs i’m following continue to be inspiration to me…… continue the great job ladies
Glad you found a way to ‘control’ your boy’s crying episodes. I too, use the counting method. I usually count 1-3. Slowly you can incorporate that too into the regime. Good luck Chin Nee.
really glad to know that you have a solution. i probaly should start preparing my self with those useful advices and tricks here and from other mums in handling my no. 2:).
cheers to mamahood!
it will take some time but I am sure you will make it….Well done…
Hey Chin nee, I’m very happy for you that you’ve found a way to manage the boys without the cane!
Same way to I deal with Jayden, he knows he cannot get his way with me, I’m a no nonsense mummy… and he knows it. If he happens to throw any tantrums, I will just totally ignore or ask him to walk away from me, go talk to himself, cos i don’t want to talk to him and it works! He will keep coming to me and say, I want to talk to you… so I will tell him to stop whining then I will talk to him
Oh good that it work on the boys. Ya mommy got to be strict, 1 warning 1 consequences. If still repeat to notty, continue the punishment again. Well got to let the kid cool down before we can reprimand and talk to them. Keep scolding is no use but good to ignore when they thrown tantrum
Keep it up fren.
Glad to hear that a firm approach works
I felt sad reading the earlier post about how often the Bumbo boys were being whacked 
I may be wrong but maybe the boys are having more tantrums now because they are attending pre-school? They may be highly stimulated and exhausted, which explains the need to relax when they come home i.e. bounce, jump, run and have super fun LOL
I let the boy unwind a while usually with a light snack and TV when he comes home from school. Then he takes a bath and I insist that both kids go to the room to play quietly, read or just hang out on the bed before dinner.
You sleep at 10 pm? My kids knock out by 8.30 pm
Then, I’m free…