They see Ghost or I see Ghosts?
It isn’t fair to just post all the happy faces on each post while we are all suffering with some serious parenting problem at home. I had a very lousy CNY celebration with the boys, in real. Hence, I better make a pause for anymore updates on CNY before I lost my sense any further and admit myself to the Mental Ward.
Do you know what the boys are doing to us whenever they become *BOH KAM WAN* or things goes out of their way these days? Not only their will WAIL…..CRY……. or SCREAMMMM… their heads off for many many hours, they will also act rough and:
- PULL off my clothes / push me into the toilet/insist on spraying the water at poor nude Mama/ ask me to continue to sit on toilet bowl and stay in the toilet (for instant when they got very mad/saw me sneak into shower or toilet when they are in bad mood)
- POUR water / food everywhere on the floor in the living hall (for instant when they sensed us mopping away the mess which they accidentally created)
- Refuse to be changed from their WET SOILED with pee clothing (when we help them to change when they woke up from nap)
- DEMAND their father to STOP DRIVING immediately (when they were mad last night because of something else, which their father will obey)
- DEMAND Mummy who scolded them get down from the car in public road last night (because furious Korkor got very *boh kam wan* when his father helps him up into the car while he *intended* to get in himself
- and many many more absurd demands….
Each day, many of the above mentioned or anything they can think of just happen when the boys are loosing their sense, screaming away and nothing else nor distraction works! Worst still, when one episode happen, it will drag and last to another, making one episode into hours PLUS LOTS OF ABSURD DEMAND, one followed by another 
In short, our parenting method has gone down to the drain totally. The boys just get fiercer and fiercer each day, while I see myself turning into a big monster with sign of child abuse getting obvious. After trying for these past few months, nothing seems to work for me with the boys. I spanked them with whatever I can get hold off, I slapped until their faces, body were fully printed with my finger prints so many times a day, I screamed and put them in corner but nothing seems to work. Even hubby can no longer tolerate my way of screaming and spanking them because it seems more like abusing than teaching them. This is breaking up our relationship too, as we quarrel so often because of the boys. And you can just imagine how pitiful is that poor timid QQ at home now.
I sense everything is no longer right, from the way I behave (which means I am still very awake except when I am mad and on strike!) I tried seek help from elderly very experience and super-patient neighbour and my mother but they said they have never seen such a stubborn child before (remember both the boys have got double swirl on their head?). We even went to the temple to seek help from GOD/SPIRIT (seriously I told me mum I no longer care any method they wanna use as long as there is anything that can tame them down).
And then during CNY, I found out a part of their missing puzzle. Guess what everyone commented at home in Kuantan when the boys went amok? ? All my elder SIL, BIL said only one thing, “WAH!!! EXACTLY LIKE (HUB) WHEN HE WAS IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS LER!!!”
Out of 8 siblings, hubby (No.7) is the only child with such problem. They told me nothing works for him except giving in. But his family has got only one very problematic child and he has many big sisters who are old enough to be his mother to entertain him ler. And they all told me it will last for a while, until he is old enough to understand (about 7-8 years old). And then, he automatically became a good and obedient boy.
….But hey, I have got 2 here ler!!!! So……..everyone is telling me that it is GENE?????
And surprisingly, the boys tamed down quickly the moment everyone in Kuantan (all my elder SILs) gave in to their absurd orders. They let the boys do whatever they want when they ran amok, let them pour water everywhere in the living hall, and SIL was not allowed to mop at all!
They tell me it was the only way with my boys, but I just cannot tolerate giving in to them as I think it is really too much. Furthermore, they are only 2.5 years old. What would become of the boys when they grow bigger into teenagers if they think they are used to have their own ways with us?
Therefore spanking and screaming from my part still take place and it can be intolerable most of my days. That also contribute a lot disapproval from hubby as he always choose to give in to the boys and me on the other part, always quarrel and then blame him for his gene. What else there is to blame except for my own sin for me to be stuck in all this mess!
Going out for some fresh air does not help either, because their *ANGIN* would just blow so many times in a day. Sometimes I just feel like walking out of the house alone and never ever return. I finally understand why so many women out there struggle with mental disorder as posted in the media, and how my very own flesh and blood only sister ended up in the mental ward not long ago while looking after her 2 children. I wonder if it is time now for me to seek for medical help before its too late?
Like everyone out there said, the boys are just too smart for their age. Everywhere they go, they get full of praises and cheers as long they are laughing away and in good mood. They tease the waitress and say things that make people float in the air.
Unfortunately just too smart, until their own mother can no longer can control them. Hence, please share with me, if you know of any parenting expert I can seek help from, or counseling help if you think I am the one having problem and needed one.
You and your hub need to see a professional. A Psychologist. My friend who had a boy was like your boys from 2-7, and she finally got to see a psychologist who diagnosed her boy as emotionally immature. And..the only thing they had to do was wait till his maturity level, caught up with his intelligent level (he is a very brilliant boy). Now, at 8, he is much better behaved, and doesn’t bite his teachers anymore. (yes..he bit all his teachers).
You really need to see a professional so you can seek professional help. The example I have given, may not fully reflect your children’s problem. It just highlights the fact that the parents didn’t stop looking for help.
take care woman.
My twins are exactly the same. Food everywhere. Temper tantrums. Exactl situation as yours in my house too.
Oh dear Chin Nee, I wish and hope that everything will be well under control.
I am just wondering (as I am really not in your shoe)if they are trying to seek your attention? Have you been too occupy and busy with your blooming career?
The way that they are acting absurb and violent, like taking off your cloths and push you in the toilet…it could only happen if that had happen to them before. Such a young child, how and where do they get such idea to retaliate in that way?
Will showering them with more love and hugs help? It will definitely be better than spanking. I am no saint…I did all the abusing stuffs like spanking and even worst kicking before. Just that I realize spanking can’t really solve the problem.
Hugs for you, hope you can find a solution to it soon.
chin nee, it was really nightmare! i know how u feel, my girls now 2.4y… anything they wanna do which i dun allowed they will scream their lungs out! non stop… my hubby will give in, but me i’ll let them scream… thanks god after a while they stop knowing that i dun give in…
the things that i hate most is they will sleep on the floor even in shopping centre if i dunwan to give them things that they wanted… leave me to no choice but walk off to a corner and peep at them…. but du scare them at all….
CN, how about sending them to school, play school? Half day?
Your 2 sons know how to bully you and they know how to get you in? To me, parenting is consistency and firmness. Its just matter of time.
I hope all is well soon. *big hugs* to you. IN fact, I feel for you. Sum tong…
Oh dear…They are really really horrible (sorry).
I agree with Mott, you should see a child specialist. It will give u more insights on how to manage them and also to remind yourself that you are NOT crazy.
My friend’s child is diagnose with ADHD (i know different issue). But she actively sought help, saw many psychologists and sent her son for therapies. She eventually even quit her job and be SAHM so that she can monitor and control his diet as she refused to result to medicines (drugs). It took a while, but eventually the child did become controllable.
Hugs!
gosh, i can’t believe it that they actually did all these to you and your hubs. what happens when you don’t give in to their demands? just let them cry and run amok around the house? they are really bullying their poor parents. i hope they will be better behave after going to the class next week. good luck to you. *hugs*
Hi Chin Nee,
So sorry to hear abt ur problems….. I’m not well experienced enough to be giving advice on parenting since I’m experiencing motherhood for the 1st time & my daughter is 21mths now.
However, my daughter has started to show temper tantrums since 1/2 year ago….. I’m a FTWM so she goes to a daycare center during my working hours. The daycare center ignores tantrums & the nannies will just walk away…. Initially, we (hubby & I) found it very difficult to accept. My husband instead tried his very best to explain & reason with our daughter……. However, that didn’t work. In fact, we were suprised when we were told that she was very well behaved in daycare.
After getting advice frm her nannies, we decided to ignore her too (well …. we don’t have much ideas left + time out doesn’t seem to work since she’s too young to understand the concept & rules associated with it). Initially, she will continue to scream, cry etc…. cause she was accustomed to the fact that we give in into her demands after every tantrum episodes…. however, after sometime, she got the idea ….. especially after her father started to ignore her too. After she calms down, we usually talk positively to her & distract her with other options.
Not sure whether this will work for u but if you do try, do remember that it will take longer time for ur boys to accept since they have been getting their way all this time using their methods. Thus, to break a habit is not going to be easy. Furthermore, if you decide to use any disciplining method, the whole family will have to follow the same method. It doesn’t work when your husband & you can’t agree on a parenting method & worst is that when the kids knows it. Kids are so smart nowadays that they can manipulate us adults ….. e.g. my daughter use to scream her lungs out & will not stop until her father is in view & ignores her as such as I do…. meaning she thinks her father would have rescued her as he is the one who most of the time tend to give in into her demands previously. In fact, we have also seen many times she would cry & walk… find her father …. sit in front of him & cry harder ….. if he walks away, she’ll do that again…. but stop after knowing that this method won’t get her anything anymore.
Anyway, hope that things will be better for you…. I do think we mothers regardless whether SAHM, WAHM or FTWM should have some personal “me” time no matter how busy we are to keep our sanity….. It doesn’t have to be something time consuming but enough for us to have a breather….. I for example take 1 hr off to exercise, surf the web, have coffee etc on only basis in a quiet corner (sometimes outside) on daily basis…. I also take time whenever possible to go shopping & meet up with friends …..
Meanwhile, do take care…….
To add on a little, at toddlers age, kids have more demands & knows what they want but have limited ability to communicate this demands to adults. Also, they won’t understand much when we try to explain to them why they can’t get what they want ….. they only know what they want. Thus, their best way to communicate is via crying to get what they want & crying in frustration when we don’t give them what they want.
However, they react according to our actions in responds to their tantrums. If we give in, chances are they will use this as they method to get what they want in future. If they know adults resist but will eventually give in, they will be persistent in their tantrums. If we hit them, they may mellow down temporary but u risk the fact that they will use violence in future (when they are physically stronger) to get what they want.
Sorry to hear bat this. I am no expert but it seems like they are in some kind of a power struggle with you and they are winning. Also sounds like they can only get your attention when they run amok? Like I said, I’m no expert. Gd luck! Seek professional help.
I am sorry to hear about all the incidents…
Try out see maybe just ignore and avoid shouting ..
It is hard to do and simple to say…
but as they know this is getting your attention, they will soon give up…
My kids also whine a lot but we firmly told them you can continue to whine and we will ignore until they learn to say nicely…
Hi CN,
I think it’ll be good to speak to your paediatrician about your boys’ conditions, it might be something more serious like autism, no harm checking that out, if it’s ruled out, then maybe u can ‘blame’ on the genes (hub’s genes :p)
I’m so sorry to hear all these that u go thru daily, take care ok!!!! *hugs*
My boy is also quite stubborn and consider naughty ( most my family members tell me ) .. He always wants us to give in, follow his way. But I would say he is still a small kid, no matter how it is always the adults win over him. But I think my boy is bigger than your twin so he is behave better as he grows.
Hang in there and I think you can send them to nursery and see if the school teachers can discipline them.
i only can offer u a hug and u hav lots of supporters fr fb and yr blogs
take care! b selfish sometime. so tat u can stay sane for them 
I’m shock to read about this. Even just reading I also feel sum tong.
I believe both father and mother has to be consistent when come to parenting. It is very difficult if your husband is not agree with you. I have stopped spanking as it does not really work for my elder one. As some other mom suggested, maybe you should go seek professional help. See what’s actually wrong with the boys and decide what’s the best action to take.
Hope you find a solution soon. *Hugs*
goshh… i thought my Xavier has been the worst to me. He screamed out n lying on the floor whenever his request not being fulfilled. Like what Paik Ling told me, to leave him whenever he is in his crying fit. As time goes, he understand that by crying/screaming would never get what he want.
I agreed with Samantha, both daddy and mommy would need to agree on the same parenting method.
Take care!!!
chin nee - one method i use is to reward them if they have something good. i have set 3 levels of grading - good manners, bad manners & rotten manners. for good manners, i will give them a sticker(a digi medal as they call it from special agent oso) and stick on their shirt. for bad manners we all do a thumbs down, rotten manners is thumbs down with everybody saying boo. i also record all their shortcomings and tantrums. when they are in the good mood, i playback and show them. it seems to help. also, i don’t think going to child phycologist is a good idea. a friend of mine went and spent rm11K, after a 3 mth session, the doc’s evaluation was that their daughter is too manja and its the parents fault. i think i could have told them that too
he just advised to spend more quality time with their daughter and not to manja. played a few puzzles and games, which i am sure we all do anyway. so, i think this is just a phase, you just need to find a way to control them. the video playback method works very well for me. also, while playing back, we do the bad manners and rotten manners thing and it really gets to them. so the next time they throw tantrums, its more controlled. hope this helps you too.
spanking doesn’t work although they deserved to be spanked, once in a while. Mine was terrible at some stages and when the hard method don’t work, we used non vocal methods.. She threw tantrum big time in the bedroom, shouting etc.. hubs chucked her into the guest room, *speechless, no scolding and shouting*.. devoid of any attention from us. that worked.
and many times she throws tantrum in the car.. we drove to somewhere safe, stopped our car and chuck her out.. that worked too..
what we did is not the recommended solution and may not work for you but I’d suggest you speak to a child expert.
I’d think your boys are at a age.. their intelligence and IQ is more advanced than their vocals.. a lot of times they can’t express so they vent out their frustrations by actions.
still again, if you can’t cope, seek an expert.
take care
QQ do throw tantrums too. What i realise is the cuter kid is the one who is always throwing tantrums and using screams and tears to get his/ her ways. because they know parents/ grandparents will give in. We did give in when she was younger, because we can’t let her cry for long (she’s asthmatic). now that she’s stronger, we ignore her when she throw tantrums. smack when needed. she quickly learned that throwing tantrums won;t work. now we have another problem, she’s using sweet words to get her way :-S.
i think your boys although very young, is good at judging other people’s reactions and act accordingly. try ignoring them. try taking away their privileges. try not to scream or smack too much; they learn from us too. and if all fails, do try talking to child experts.
All the best, Chin Nee. hope things will get better soon; take care.
I dun hv any great advice but I understand how u feel. Of being stuck at home with the kids. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide (they won’t even leave u alone in the toilet, rite?). I scream at my kids A LOT. And I dun like the mad woman that I’ve become. But really ‘beh tahan’ sometimes. Luckily they’re afraid of their Papa. So things r stil under ctrl.
I agree with some of the comments that both parents must agree on the same parenting approach. Hope u’ll be able to work something out with ur hubby. Hang in there ya.
Oh dear, that’s a lot of pain you’ve been going thru with your boys at home. Quickly register them to a pre-school so that you can have some time for yourself, to regain your mind and sanity at least. And hopefully the teacher can help to “tame” your boys too. Big hug to you Chinnee.
Hi Chin Nee, I used to have the same problem with you too, of hvg a retaliate girl(especially after I was preganant with her lil bro). She left me no choice(before I gone cuckoo), I decided to send her halfday at Montessori… I reckon this type of childred require a bundle of loves to fill up their emotional tank.
Try talk to them everynight, listen to their problem and tell them you love them so so much… I see some change from my girl, and wish you could see your soon!:) All the best!
My son throw tantrum a lot at home, but at school, teacher said she’s very obidient.. Maybe you can try send them to a playschool see how’s the situatian?
wow..they turn up pretty violent eh. come let auntie pretend be the evil monster and scare them a bit to discipline them LOL. Joking joking. Vyktore does these sort of similar stuff too sometimes. So I’ll just ignore him, stop talking to him then later on he will do his own correction. Probably u can try ignoring them and see what happens. Maybe they want attention. But 2 happening at the same time, I bet it really drives you nuts. GO seek professional advise.
Poor, dear Chin Nee. The boyz have been really misbehaving recently, huh. Must have “spoilt” your cny in a way. But I’m glad to read in your latest post that at least one of them is better behaved these few days
I can relate to how you feel….the boyz made absurb demands, screaming and fighting each other…and you trying your best to discipline them but end up screaming and spanking them like a “mad” woman. At times, you feel like you’re all alone and at the verge of “loosing it”, rite? Like some of the comments given by other mommies, try to make time for yourself regularly - just “get away” from the kids and out of the house even for a couple of hours. Helps you keep your sanity, makes you feel “refreshed”, less stressful when face with their demands. After trying many things and you think you still need professional help, go for it. Hugs to you.
[...] lousy health, I was in the lousiest mood too, during this CNY. Remember my previous post on my weird behaving boys? During CNY, they behaved so badly until I kept on smacking them. As they [...]
i’m really shock to read what’s happening in yr household. thou i had a hard time with mine too but they r nowhere near yr boys…still shock!! i think this is not normal & yr boys really need HELPS….read up from the net if seeing the expert is not happening (i know the costs involve)!!
but yr stories sort of made me connect to a niece of mine who behaves quite similar to yr boys and according to my BIL’s family members, her behaviour is exactly the same as my BIL when he was a child too!! thus i do believe in genes yet i reckon that it’s important to HELP the kid & not just let things be. My niece is a clear case of autism (mild one thou) but sadly her parents r ignorant abt the situation. she has an obvious issue with social skills now at 7 yrs old. all i can do is to hope for a better future for her, can’t help much when the parents couldn’t care
good luck chinnee with a *hugs*