Lack of confidence
QQ at Iris’s 5th birthday party
First she said, “specky is UGLY”. Then she refuse to join the kids for games at her best friend’s birthday party in Mac Donald.
Last weekend it was the second time QQ was invited to attend a birthday party at Mac D. Just like the first time, she refuse to sit in with her friends, but instead “kepit” under my wings with sitting with the parents. When games started, Iris came over to pull her hand to play, but she just refuse (although I tried to bring her out to hold her friend’s hands). The moment, I let go, she will run back to me like a small little children.
I am really sad to see my girl behave this way. Although she is now already 2nd year in pre-school, can see that her confident level is way too low compare to kids her age. Now I am tempted to enroll her into after school classes so that she can mix with more people without me around.
A ballerina pose?
She said she like ballet, but since her friend refuse to join and now she got no one accompany her, now she refuse to join too. Sigh…really don’t know what I can do to boost up her confident level. Any tips to share, mummies?
I’m not sure this work or not….maybe let her mix around with friend that’s wearing spec too….sound silly hor. Let her know that many children out there also wearing spec and nothing wrong with it.
i guess it is just because she is only of the very few ( or only one) in specs in class.. so she felt different/ugly!
try to encourage her and praise her more when she is in specs, they might boost her confidence level! 
i think she looks cute in her specs! hehe
Tell her wearing spec. is smart, see those lawyers are wearing spec.
Is it just because of her specs? Maybe you can continue praising her as always, it would help.
cont praising her and spend more time with her. take more photos of her instead of her brothers perhaps? just to let her know she looks pretty and that u like taking her pics? ask her opinion on certain things, e.g which color clothes u shd wear, which design for ur mamapatch, get her involved more?
let her choose her own specs next time?
but i think she is being neglected after ur boys are born, sorry to say that, but i cld be wrong. let her choose her own clothes, color,etc
Chin Nee, QQ reminds me of myself when I was a lil girl..i used to be so timid, very shy & so self-conscious to mingle with girls around my age…
And because I used to be sick frequently, my parents enrolled me in Tae Kwan Do class, and eventually, I did build some self-confidence, a bit healthier but I still very shy..then in Standard 3, I was elected as Assistant Monitor so the shy me had to by hook, by crook, project some confidence & being encouraged by my elder siblings, I tend to build some confidence…and slowly, elected as Prefect & within years, no more shyness in me.
I guess, the role & responsibility ‘forced’ me somehow to leave behind the shyness…
Now, I see the younger version of me in my elder boy, Hanafi. For the familiar surrounding, he is socialising well but once in another new place, he tend to forgot his manners like answering question, saying thank you and even smiling…
We’ve been thinking to enrol him in Speech & Drama class or at least some activity that require him to socialise a lot and to hold some sort of responsibility…and try to make him feel important…hoping the role-play method would work.
how about bringing her to join those trial classes to expose her more to others?
if she have cousins abt her age, prob they can help to “influence” her?? sometimes, u need a 3rd party to talk to her, and she may listen???
Sorry for not be able to provide any positive advise because I’m now worrying about my son too! He is not being cooperative in attending the kindie. But I believe confidence are being built and not force. Maybe this is just a phase at her age. QQ will soon outgrown this phase. Just like Wen said, get her invovle in the Mamapatch project and choose her own cloths might boost her confidence. Praise her for her work too!
Hi, I’ve been following your blog for the longest time but commenting for the 1st time
Chloe is also facing similar problems… very anti-social to the point that she won’t even shake hands with people or look into their eyes!! I’m also at wit’s end trying to coax her to be more friendly and to play with other kids. Maybe it’s a phase that they will eventually grow out of? P.S. Chloe has the same LITTLE CUTE GIRL T-shirt too but in blue 
Hi, I also occasionally drop by at your blog and I do find it very interesting!
I am also facing the same problem with you. My sons are so shy that they hide when they see relatives visits us and my elder son cried for the first 3 months when we sent hem to school. Then, hubby decided to send him to Speech and Drama class. At first, he did not like it, but gradually he is fine with it. I notice a slight improvement on him as the other day, he came back from school and proudly told me that he voluntered to sing a silly song about himself during the school assembly! All teachers and the principal was laughing and enjoyed themselves to the simple son that my son sang about himself! Well, he still have a long way to go and I will continue to encourage him.
Maybe you want to try it out too?
I wore glasses at 8, my elder sis at 7. To us, I think there were no reservations coz both our parents wore glasses. Arianna uses her sunglasses at home (eg reaches out for for her sunnies once she wakes up), I think she’s used to seeing ppl in glasses.
I’m so used to using glasses, even now post lasik, my power is so low (50, 7s or just slightly more), I still use it coz it’s part of me. Make it acceptable to her. DH and I treat glasses as part of our accessories (hundreds/thousands ringgit). We never wore contact lenses (I did on off just for sports).
Think this is the second post I read where u said QQ said specky is ugly. Hmm I’m concerned too.
Maybe you can boost up her confidence level a little. Example, you can bring her to the specs store, let her pick a specs that will make her pretty. It will help.
Try speech and drama class.. which can boost confidence.
Was she getting some silly remarks from her friends? I agree that perhaps sending her to those Speech and Drama classes will boost her confidence. That’s how my son turned from a timid cat to a lion now. Occassionally get the teachers/cousins/friends etc etc to compliment her on her wearing glasses (but don’t overdo it). Soon I’m sure she will believe wearing glasses does not make her any different from other kids. Maybe a change of the frame would help too, one of her fav color? Good luck.
My colleague has the same issue - her girl (5yrs old) also wears glasses and is timid at pre-school. She enrolled her with Helen O’Grady speech & drama school, and her gal blossomed within 2 months!!! A shorter (and silly) term solution would be mummy (yes, YOU!) to put on a pair of specs (with no power) as well!!!
I think my situation was similar to Hanz’s when whe was younger. I too was being “forced” to build up confidence by my army-dad..
Anyway, if it’s any consolation..my eldest Amsyar is also shy most of the times. He takes time to warm up to people. Recently he had to wear glasses too but thank God he liked it…ada la sometimes he comes back telling me his friends say this and that about people wearing glasses..so I have to console him and say wearing glasses are not a sign of weakness, it’s just that some people need to wear them and some not.
But we (parents) are still their closest role model, Chin Nee..so as long as we project our confidence when we do our work/mixing with other people..then our children will watch and absorb and hopefully “want to be like mommy and daddy too”
Alycia used to be very shy too. Initially, I even thot she had selective mutism. It took time for her to overcome her shyness. Also, do bring her out more to socialize with other kids.
Ever think of enroll her to Drama class? Jona attend it too, and I could say, it really boost Jona confidence even though it take times….now, Jona dare to talk back to me, when I scolded him, by giving his reason…hehe…in my heart, I’m happy, he talk back..but, of course, sometimes, when he scared, he will still talk softly….
I’m all for speech and drama classes too
And yup, what Hanz says above plus mixing her with more kids of all colours, shapes and sizes…
Sounds like a speech & drama class is a recurring suggestion among all commentors. Perhaps it’s worth a try?