I am also your daughter!
“I am also your daughter!”
She said this to me lying on her bed last night while I was whispering the boys’ name, patting them to sleep. Sad words, isn’t it?
Am I really neglecting my kids? Am I taking on too much time online, with Mama Patch, activities I love like baking, and such?
She loves snuggle close to me, asking me to hug her when I am hugging the boys, one in each hand, each night on bed. The boys are tough to handle, as they need to be bf to sleep, on arms. I wish I could have another hand for her, but most of the time she just lie there on her bed, drifting herself to sleep. When the boys are knocked out, she sleeps too.
This morning I attended the parent-teachers meet in her school. All teachers commented that, she looks very reserved and not much of confident in herself. She cannot express herself well, and do not want to respond to her teachers, when they ask her. She is not initiative like other children, and only mingles with her few close friends.
Teachers suspected that she has been neglected at home, thus lack of confidence. Her class teacher ask me if it is because of the boys, that I hardly communicate with her. Or was it I had too high expectation on her, that I gave her less attention, expecting her to behave like a grown up immediately after the boys are born?
Although I sense her strong jealousy, at least she still shows strong affection to her brothers. Whenever they move in their sleep, she will act just like me, quickly go and pat/rock their sarong helping me to put them back to sleep. I admire her for this, for I was much a lousier eldest sister when I was young comparing to her.
I know I did the best I can, however it always seems not enough. I guess most mothers out there feel the same way too. *hugz hugz to all mothers out there*
Sorry about this sad post, as today is suppose to be a happy Friday for most.
P/S: Oh yes, hubby read my previous post and all comments. He came back laughing, amaze to see how we all so supportive of each other. Thanks for helping out, ladies, all your words well said and went into his ears. Now he knows that his “yellow-face” wife is not easily being bullied although sitting at home with the kids 
poor qiqi. she must have seen carrying the boys a lot because of feeding and etc…so she feels left out? Perhaps you could give her a hug whenever you the time?
I know how it felt though what I faced might not as severe as yours…but I am trying to spend some quality time with my eldest daughter too whenever I can.
Even during my confinement, I would spend some time with her when the baby sleeps…so that she would not feel neglected and start acting up/down.
*hugs*…
hmmmm.. i think every mummy face this when they hv more then one kid… what to say u have 3 kids … hmmmm… i also worry abt this matters when the small arrive… i worry i m not good on taking k 2 at the same time and not neglecting any one of the boys. But new born and youngest always need more attention from the mummy … right !!! feeding, bf, and manymore …
oh… ur hubby read the previous post abt ours comments….. alamak …. lucky we didnt talk so bad … hahhahahah …… of cos we r supporting each other mah ….:P
btw, where ’s my comment ? in ur junk mail again ???
every mom facing the same situation when they hv more than one kid.. same goes to sebastian, always complaining us sayang sidney more than him o.O
Qiqi is a sensitive girl, that’s why she probably feels insecure. When WH was born, JS also seems to lost her confidence. Until today she still thinks I love WH more.
you know? most of my comments on your blog are gone.
I hope this one wont.
As you said, you are doing your best, so don’t feel bad about it. When the boys are older, you will have more time for her.
its not easy to be a mom of one, moreover u have 3. Then yr hub should help abit and take qiqi and sayang her more.
I hope he is reading here !
I feel you Chin Nee, when baby Hambali borned 11 months ago, his elder bro, Hanafi was so rebellious & threw tantrum most of the time. I tried spare time during my confinement by continuing his HS lesson as before gave birth & not easy as baby Hambali was having some probs then. It went on a couple of months till I think baby was about 5-6 months that he finally shown his affection totally. He got scolded frequently too coz can’t babysit his lil bro for short period when we’re not around..& after much scolding, we felt so guilty.
Now, I’m bringing him to my office twice a week so that at least this 2 days, he got full (the least) attention from & enable me to teach him too.
*hugs QQ** for me…
Let QQ know she is always your #1 daughter in mummy heart.
elder one sure will feel like that. Faythe also sometimes will merajuk. And somemore I’m like a single mother most of the time!! So I try to be fair, one night sleep with her, one night sleep with Vyktore. Then kenot say I only sayang him lorr..And read story also each take turns and she gets 2, cause she finish her milk first :). But I know sometimes when i scold her she merajuk, then she will opt to stay with mil next night. But it’s OK for me, then I take it as I can have ME time with Vyktore :). But she did merajuk 1 time when my hubby was playing with vyktore and not her, she say papa u no sayang me anymore :|. I guess girls are more sensitive in a way
Yes, sometimes the best doesn’t seem to be enough… more so for mums with 3 kids or more. It’s a wonder why God didn’t give us extra arms so that we can hug all our kids together. Cheer up yah
probably u shld think of allocating abit of time each day for her only.
Once in a while give her a treat. Every little things you do for her, she will treasure. Maybe the boys are getting too much attention?
I oni hv 2 n I’m guilty of neglecting my girl. Like wat u said, once didi came along, I expected her to grow up immediately. She no longer has the privilege to be unreasonable n childish as she’s the jie jie, gotta show good example. But then again, she’s oni 6. I know u’re doing ur best. And QQ is a vy good n loving jie jie.
geeeezzz..i almost cry out reading ur post..sob sob…i put myself in ur shoe, and i was wondering that i could end up in the same condition too. hmm..maybe u hug and kiss her first before u do the same to ur boys, then she’ll feel that she’s in your priority list too. make her feel that she’s still your No. 1
my guess is that she is probably neglected. maybe spend more time alone with her when the boys take their naps. or when u r doing something, get her involved more? yeah as what other bloggers said, maybe hug and kiss her first b4 ur boys. am sure ur boys wont feel it since they r so young..
it is indeed sad to read about this. i understand how you feel coz at times, we do feel we have neglected shan leo as well. we actually noticed that shan leo will do certain things to gt our attention, but most of the times, he ended up irritating us more. i have to always remind myself & mummy that shan leo is asking for our attention. so, we really have to be more patience!
well, cheer up chin nee!!! am sure after this incident, you will be more careful when handling QQ. and QQ will definitely understand that it is not your intention to neglect her at times…
I have left quite some replies but all dunno gone where???
I have 2 kids whose 1 yr apart and I’m already finding it hard to draw an equal line between them. You are actually doing it very well … since QQ is already a big girl, try talk to her more about this and I’m sure she can understand. Do let her know that she’s not less important than her twin siblings at any time.
It’s true that when the younger babies come along, you would expect the older child to “behave” himself/herself. I find myself doing that ALL the time, even when my elder is barely 3yrs. So at these times, I take a step back and remember not to “hurry up” the growing process of the older child. They too require our attention, if more than anything.
Those words must have hurt. You are already doing your best, and mums are only humans afterall. And thanks for sharing this, I guess I have to be more patient with YY too when the little one comes along, and not expect her to grow up overnight.
Hmm… I tried having reserved personal time for each of my child and I find this very effective in assuring my love to each one of them, you can do that by fixing a personal date with QiQi e.g. every Wed, 3-4pm, this time is solely for her and nothing else…..
she is soo sweet…
Jeriel also the same..usually when Ariel take her short nap, I will make time with Jeriel.. It is not easy though…even at nite, when Jeriel sleeping, I will go to his room and hug him n whisper softly to his ear….
Chin Nee, you are trying your very best…it is not easy…maybe as the boys older, you can have time all of 3 kids together?
My girl gets the same comment, no confidence etc but I don’t think its from neglect. Afterall I only have 2 (hehe) Maybe its just their nature or just a phase. We just try our best.
agree with mumsgather.
the teachers commented about “no confidence”, then it is part of their role to help her to build up her confidence.
understand your situation, for me, I like to hug, kiss and talk to my boy whenever I have time. You know, when I do this he feels very happy and says “Mummy, you love me?”
Wish you All The Best!
Reading this after reading about Qiqi’s birthday party celebration and the upcoming one for the Bumbo boys at TTDI. Will she be attending it too?
Just my observation but I think she may feel even more neglected when she compares how YOU are celebrating the boys’ birthday with other Mums and babies at a fun park when she celebrates hers at school, you know? I mean, who the heck likes school???
If I may suggest, how about asking Qiqi if she’d like to wear her princess crown at the TTDI celebration too? That way, she’s getting a bit of fuss and attention from you…girls are more sensitive.
I like Jazzmint’s way of rotating attention (I have a friend who does it too) and intend to do that too.
I hope you won’t feel defensive about the teacher’s comment. She’s an independent, third party observer who only sees a child’s behaviour at school, you know? And I do think she cares about Qiqi if she’s bothered to write such a specific feedback for you. A lazy teacher will just say, “Everything Ok! Kudos for being such great parents!”
I feel so sad to hear her words…but at the same time i can understand your situation especially having twins..it is definately not easy coz by the time u hv bf, fed, bath etc ur twins u just dont hv much energy left…but somehowe your eldest princess still likes to be cuddled and feel all the tlc from mommy dearest too…i guess as hard as it is we mommies need to strike a balance in giving equal love to our children…the rotation or ‘just u’ time are excellent ideas and perhaps getting her to take part in taking care of the twins may help too e.g. get her to prepare the clothes, diapers etc on the bed during bath time, ask her to pat one of the boys bottom (while u pat the other one) while being bf or ask her to help in feeding the twins etc….you can also let her teach the twins to say a word or two. when the twins finally get to pronouce the words she teaches them..she may feel good and boost her confidence