Equal love?
While I was taking my shower just now, this question popped out of my mind.
“Can there be equal love?”
- For great devoted husbands who keep mistresses,
- For teachers who have favour only certain students
- For parents who have more than one child
When I first got pregnant with QQ, I feel so much love for her while she was in me. But this time, I am sad to admit that I feel nothing like the first time although I am into my 4th month now. Even hubby wasn’t so anxious like previously.
I mean, I am happy when I found out I got pregnant, but it is only mainly because QQ would have someone to play with, and I”ll have more children, not because “I am carrying another baby”. *so bad hor this mummy!*
Come on, we see some of the old people in our family talks about their favourite child all time. Does that mean they love one more than the other?
I am sure all mums with only one child would feel the same as I do now, and wonder if all mums with more than one child really can love their children equally…….
I can say that my parents love their children(my 2 eldest brothers and me)equally. Now they love their grandchildren(my 2 nieces, nephew and my girl)equally too.I really happy to see that but not my MIL.She loves only hubby’s eldest brother’s children but not my girl. I felt so sad at first but hubby said it was not important. A love to a child is from their parents. When I was pregnant with my girl, I was so happy and blessed and my hubby and I promised to give our baby the best and we did!And I always reminded myself that I got to love my brothers’children equally too, I would buy gifts to them on their birthday, send greeting cards to them, and even call them up!
yeah…yeah…even grandma loves most of their grandchildren differently!!
We love them differently, i would say. each of them have different personality and each of them has different language of love. Due to this many sees that we don’t love them equally.
very sure, Miche? Fairly all time?
I do feel that I’m quite ‘phin sam’ at times. Not a vy good mother, I know but I guess I express love differently for them as they r of diff age grp. An excuse? I dunno…
oh dear…..even mummy is admitting..whats more teachers and husbands!
How can we measure love? Love is such an intangible matter that to attempt to dish out equal amounts is like… er.. haha, it’s something we feel. There is no constant. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Depends on the weather..
haha….depends on weather? good say!
I feel the same too about not being excited anymore with the subsequent pregnancies. With Alycia, everyone was super excited, with Sherilyn - still excited but all attention on Alycia then and now with this 3rd pregnancy, no one seems to talk about it, except occassionally
I think if I am preggy the 4th time, no one will even notice that I am preggy!
how about your feeling towards them?
When I was pregnant with 2nd one, I was equally overjoyed because I love kids!
So far at this present moments, I feel that I love my 2 kids equally..unless someone can tell me I don’t
ling, thanks for sharing
really appreciate it!
When I was pregnant with 2nd one, I was equally overjoyed becuz I love kids!
So far at this present moment, I love my 2 kids equally, unless someone can tell me I dont
i think it’s the excitement that is lost, not love. everyone is excited really getting pregnant for the first time.
I have 2 kids and i love them equally. I don’t play favorites.
yeah..Girlie, u r right. I am really lost at this moment…..
don’t worry, it’s always like that, first pregnancy “ken cheong” mah! never experience it, first time mother.
so far I love my kids equally, don’t know how about in future, just hope it won’t be changed!
It wont, if u can give them equally now…
I only have one…I think you are bound to think that way but love cannot be measured.. You will love your children equally one way or another..just differently.
HI Sue, yeah..probably u are right…its just a matter of time for me to get use to it…
Hi Chinnee, I haven’t think of that far yet bcoz I’m only have one…hehe… not sure whether can I love them equally by measure. But, I will surely try. I guess you will surely know how to handle when the time comes. Just treasure this moment for the time being….
For me, I love them in different prespective, what I mean is: I shower them with my love in different ways to each of them. For Isaac, currently, he need more hug and kiss to show that mommy love him so much..and for Jona, I shower him with more personal times, playing with him..with this, he know I love him too…..
dont worry..each kids are different..You will soon know their character in order to show your love to them…
i think it’s because you’re too busy with #1 to be conscious about being preggy!! Don’t worry!! Sometimes I even forget that I am preggy!!!!! LOL I get so caught up with Bryan than when I play rough-house with him, my MIL reminds me that I cannot roll around anymore. I think we’re love them both (for you 3!) just as much - perhaps in different ways, but I would say, equally
i think it’s human nature that when it comes to 2nd time baby or onwards…., we’ll not be that anxious anymore….not bcoz we don’t love them, it’s experiences that we’ve gained ma !!!
think fr the oth perspective, we’ve grew & developed so no more ‘kan cheong’!!
it’s only normal that we love each of our children differently coz they r different “human being” as long as we deal with them fairly & reasonably, there shouldn’t be big problem..
don’t think too negatively…everything will be alright!!
i understand yr feeling, really understand…
That’s the wonderful thing about love. You’ll be really surprised by how much love you have for your kids, whether it is one kid or 10 kids.
For me, I don’t think it will be equal love. I’m sentimental, first will always hold a special place in my heart..:-)
don’t worry, your mind will change once you see the babies
trust me…i had this feel before
I personally think that there’s no equal love. But I think no matter what we hav to try our very best to equally love them. as if i hav one *blush*
not sure whether I have this feel or not though i still yet go for 2nd pregnant. how to measure for love? that’s why sure no equal love..
It is only because your first time round, you were both excited and everything is new to both of you.
You will find that when the baby is born, you will feel the same love and joy as for the first one.
Though my kids always say I love one more than the other, but in my heart, I know I love them both the same and it is only their own perception which they now admit.
Do not think too much my dear.. Parents always love their children and so do the kids will always love their parents.. hehe..
With the 2nd one, both u and your hubby have all the experience already. So maybe that’s y u feel u don’t love equally.
I think its partly becoz you already know what to expect and I suppose until the twins come along, you may feel this way. Once they are here, I’m sure you will probably be wondering how could you pack so much love in you for all of them…
Well, we should have equal love for our kids…
Probably it is too soon for you to feel the love now…. when your pregnancy gets further, your love will build up… don’t think too much of negative stuff… not good for the babies!
it’s never easy to strike a balance within the 2 kids (in your case 3). I can tell that my hubby is more strict to boy, but softer towards Faythe. As for myself, I still try to be fair, i buy clothes for both of them, I buy shoes for both of them…but I do admit that the attention spent with Vyktore is less as compared to Faythe
I would say equally love but in different method or perspective as they all our own FLESH & BLood ma…
well… I have the same experience with you. when Cliff has not born yet, I doubt if I can love anyone else beside Clay… but now.. hm.. I have to admit (psstt) I try to express my love to Clay more often because it seems that Cliff is more adorable..
btw, I do love Clay!
but I express my affection more to the little one..
we are only human chin nee! and it’s not easy to declare that we love our children equally, so you don’t have to feel bad and worry yourself sick. but the beauty of being a parent to more than one kid is that you will somehow know when you have ‘neglected’ a child and you will consciously make efforts to amend the situation. so by and by, your children will get the amount of attention and love that they will need to feel good. you are a good mommy, and you will do fine. your kids will teach you. your instincts will also guide you.
I’m just getting married and don’t have a kid yet. What you said about the difficulty of giving equal love really intrigue me. I think we could separate between the feeling that we have inside and the explisit behaviour to express love. It is so natural I think to have different feeling towards our kids, but what really important -for the kid- is that we don’t discriminate any of them.
Having said that, I think it’s OK to give custom treatment since the kids usually have different temparement and traits.
It’s not easy to be fair all the time but we should let our kids know that we love them all.
Based on my own experience, I too had that doubt when I was preggy with my 2nd one. But yes, you can love them both dearly in different ways(though I won’t say equally to the decimal point).Acknowledging that not all things are equal, including mommy’s love is a step forward.
From my own experience, I was like you when I pregnant with JS, so excited, so gan cheong and even when she’s born , the first 2 years , I was very pocessive over her. Then I pregnant with WH, the feeling is not the same like the first. But I can tell you, I love them all equally, just they way I show them my love is different. JS might think that I love her brother and younger sister more, because I tend to have higher expectation from her, but the fact is that I love her as much as before I have the younger kids.
How can a husband be devoted with a mistress?
Oh well never mind.
When the new baby arrives the love will come too. And you will always have great affection for both of your children. Do not fret.
Sorry I have been such a stranger as of late. Wow!
Did not realize you were going to have another child. Congratulations. Gong hei! Gong hei!
I read this before from another preggy blogger but by the time her second baby arrived so did the love. We have lots of love to go around. No worries. But even if you don’t love your children equally you must remember to treat them equally so that no problem arises between them. I think thats more important.
thanks for your input….guess it is the different feeling that making me so lost :p
you are having pregnancy blue? hehe.. Cheer up.. I think there is no equal love but different kind of love instead. I share the same feeling with you. I am very kancheong and excited, faithful when I am doing IVF 1 but not this one. ;p
hey, Jas, am very excited for you too
frankly speaking, i love my two kids but i always scold my gal but pamper my boy more….dun know y. maybe he’s still a baby to me.
probably….till they gets older….then u can see.